time

I worked hard. I didn't take a break, I didn't even eat until the project was done. I needed to put a checkmark next to it and archive it off so I could get back to that strange place I'd just discovered.

That strange place was a place where not everything was completely, perpetually falling apart; it was a place where I could consider what was actually important.

The ability to consider is important itself, because without it how could I ever know I was spending my time wisely?

Time is precious because it is limited in quantity, but so potent with potential. Time is the currency of life, life itself.

What could you and I do with... pure time?

I observe, and I laugh a little to myself, only to realize how much people must laugh to themselves when they consider me.

right

Look babe, if you want to be right about something, sure, be right about whatever you want. Just don't complain to me when, at the end of the day, you still find yourself deeply alone.

philosophy

You know, I try not to apologize too much for myself anymore. I say and do stupid things all the time, and I wish I hadn't right after I have, but honestly, the proof is in my behavior... me. Maybe I should just wake up tomorrow and make my best attempt to be better?

What happens in the end? Do I get the girl??

Or do I even care anymore?

bravely into the next

It's been a beautiful day here in Portland. I mean really something. Clear skies for the first time in weeks, sunny, very brisk, but not so windy! In the crisp stillness my hands dried out to bleeding while walking around downtown in the afternoon. But I rarely have felt so alive, so it's a welcome tradeoff. (Besides, that's what L'Occitane is for...)

I remember a moment two and a half years ago, looking out Amy's window one evening into the downtown skyscrapers, full of fear and anxiety about everything imaginable... and as soon as I considered the cityscape, I was suddenly very aware of the Lord. I knew in that moment that everything was going to be fine. I cannot tell you how reassuring this was to me then.

Now just after sunset, looking out this window from my 18th floor apartment into the exact same skyscrapers just a few blocks away... life is very different for me. My heart is wide open. I am well aware that I am a very blessed man.

It's not that everything is perfect... it's just about the journey now. Why ever dwell on the imperfection when we have an opportunity to fix, to move?

The end of an era, and bravely into the next.
Everything is the same, but also completely different.
And with every new beginning comes the opportunity for a deeper understanding, a deeper surrender.
For everything that is good, may my life be a sacrifice to the heart of God.

push pull

Some mornings I wake up and your opinion is the only thing in the world that matters to me. Other mornings I really couldn't care less. I think it has to be this way; a balancing act to keep myself sane. Push, pull.