how are you doing today?

"Good," I replied, with a full body cringe. No exaggeration; I actually felt guilty for telling such a horrible lie. As if she even really cared how I was in the first place. Feeling deeply, physically guilty for sparing the blissfully unaware Starbucks girl from the state of my life has to be one of the most strange and unexpected things that has ever happened to me. I ordered a Caramel Macchiato and ran away.

Today I was sitting outside in the sun and I wanted to smoke.

I've never had a cigarette. I'm almost positive I never will, and when I'm in my right mind there's no way I'd ever touch them. But there have been, maybe three times in my life when I wanted to start. Today was the worst.

There I was thinking about a cigarette. The product of a previous patron's vices, resting there all used up in the tray on the table, asking me to toss in a friend for itself. Considering I didn't have any, I kindly declined. But it got me remembering.

A pastor once told me this story once about the first time that his wife was away for a night. He was so nervous that he took up and quit smoking all in a single evening. Out of his mind, I remember him recalling. An extremely strong man brought to his knees by simply the absence of his beloved, one woman with no supernatural powers. Just a woman.

Or maybe there is more to it than that. Maybe it's not weakness, or simple loneliness; maybe it's no fault of his own. Maybe it's the separation of two that should not be separated.

When I came home from Hawaii, Sarah ran to me and grabbed me and wouldn't let me go.

old song

I find my only comfort this morning in the words of an old song

trust in the Lord with all your heart
lean not on your own understanding
in all of your ways acknowledge Him
and He will carry you through

don't worry about tomorrow
He's got it under control

cheesecake

I'm sitting here finishing up the work week at Shari's... our weekend software release just failed miserably for the second weekend in a row. Which by the way, is an extremely awesome track record.

Despite the fact that I've been up these wee hours losing sleep for essentially nothing, at least I got to listen to all the hilarious things these clubbing black dudes next to me have been saying... one of them just tried to order a negro forest cheesecake from the waitress. Comedy gold.

I posted more photos today from Vancouver, BC.

I am tired.

four twenty

i was so busy working that i forgot what yesterday was! oh man look what i missed out on i am so disappointed.

getting a mac

A friend sent me an email this morning:

I want to buy a mac laptop, but I do not want to pay a ton getting the software I just bought (ie photoshop, microsoft office, etc) to be compatible with a mac. What is the best route for me to go about doing so?

Good news! There are a lot of options, and a lot of them are outlined well on Apple's Get A Mac spiel. Here's the important stuff.

Run Windows on Mac
Here's an easy one. You can either install Windows as a dual-boot with Boot Camp (meaning that you reboot your computer to switch between using Mac OS X or Windows) or run Windows directly on your Mac's desktop using Parallels Desktop or VMWare Fusion (both of which are $79). But remember that when you run Windows you still have to deal with its issues, like viruses and Windows Update. More from Get A Mac

Mac version of Office
The Home/Student version of Office:Mac 2008 costs $130 on Amazon. The interface is much easier than any version of Office version for Windows, and I've never had an issue with document compatibility. More from Get A Mac

Forget Office and switch to iWork
Or, you can forget Microsoft altogether and move to Apple iWork for $79. iWork is much easier to use and produces way nicer looking documents and spreadsheets. iWork even opens and saves regular Office documents, usually very well, but not always perfectly. Unless you working in an office or school environment where you have to edit other people's documents, iWork is a great way to go.

Photoshop and other Adobe Products
You can call Adobe and they will switch your Photoshop license from PC to Mac and send you new discs. There might be a small fee ($20 or something?) but it is minimal and quite worth it. Running Photoshop natively on a Mac is an experience of its own.

Memory!
Memory, or RAM, is very important to Mac OS X. Make sure your computer has enough, especially if you decide to run Windows as well. Virtually everyone will want 2GB and some will even want 4GB. But I don't recommend that you buy it from Apple as it's very expensive. Nowadays 4GB of good (working) RAM costs less than $80! And check out how easy it is to install on a MacBook.

photo mania

It was nice outside! Check out my flickr page for some photos from my around my home!

mindless self-indulgence?

The correct answer was "What is your blog?". Colin, it's still your board.

Hmm... guess I'll stick with MS Paint art and Taco Bell (is so food) reviews for $1000, please.

daily drawing "parfait"

Oh snap! No spoon! How the heck are you going to consume your parfait now, Jon?!

This was a failed attempt at drawing a Bordas. Maybe another night.

red label

All over the country, then the emotional mind map, and then back, just to do it all again.

I still have to wake up at 5 AM and drag myself out the door every morning. (That's her half.) Tomorrow (or today, that is) I'm not even sure what they're going to say, how they're going to try to change my behavior, and their justification for such things;

"Meeting"
9 AM. With your boss. And your boss' boss. That's all I need to know, apparently.

Either Ben quit or they're in a general panic mode or both and they probably want something more for less. Give me one reason, why at the expense of any more of my sanity, I should be compelled to comply with anything that's asked?

Maybe it's the Johnnie Walker talking. I've had some every night for a week straight now and it just gets easier to drink. I'm pretty sure that's not such a good thing. What's happened to me?

And then it's off, for an hour, maybe two of sleep, before I go to do whatever it is that I do.

daily drawing "bird with seed"

New non-daily daily drawings inspired by Jon's daily drawings. "Bird with Seed"

lifestyle

It's so hard to deal right. To make any sense of it. So what's there to do but to go to bed and pretend that nothing that ever happens really happens?

Good night.

april fools

Why be deceptive? I'm just going to cut to the chase.

vitamin cb

Oh sweet Heaven. They refilled the vending machine.

how to afford anything

Don't let this article get lost in the mass of crap that I've posted today. This is an extremely good article that in my opinion is spot on in almost every respect.

How To Afford Anything

I've been relying on Ken Rockwell's website for information on digital cameras for a couple of years now and have always liked his perspective and writing style. But this article is great information for anyone. Highly recommended.

the gem cutter

I knew a kid in fifth grade. Said that when he grew up, he wanted to be a gem cutter. That is actually true.

Perhaps it was a suggestion that was far ahead of its time. Gems; the "clear cut" path to wealth? (No pun intended... perhaps) But not all is glitz and glory.

You've got the... the optics... those big glasses things that are stuck to your face, and you're looking through them like all day... pretty soon it ruins your vision, and you're in your 50's; you retire, and you sit around smoking cigars all day. Leather chair. 19" TV.
--Chris

Now I'm sad.
--Shane