fanaticism

I didn't really know what to do with all the weight I felt after I watched the iPhone 4 keynote.

At least, I myself could not sit and be unaffected emotionally by this work of art, this tool that possesses so much raw power to enrich lives and bridge gaps between human beings. Having even the slightest idea of what kind of depths these guys has to dig down inside of themselves to do what they did, to be completely fanatically good and thorough because they could, because they wanted to, or because they even felt like they needed to... made it even more difficult for me to consume. The iPhone 4 is a bewildering product of unbridled passion, a product of the same raw heart and raw potential that serves as the fundamental reason of God-devised humanity. It terrified me.

I had to stop for a moment and take a walk. I grabbed a cup of coffee and headed for the park.

Something inside of me was down as I walked among these beautiful trees in perfect weather. I watched the college students roam to and fro, bags in hand, simply enjoying the absence of rain and the light breeze; hopefully not contemplating too deeply what was the meaning of life or of passion, but simply enjoying the present time for what it was.

I started to feel sick and realized I needed to eat some food, so I planted myself in the corner of a burrito place next to the window.

About halfway into my meal, this beautiful girl appeared outside, and as she walked by we took brief notice of each other for a moment. I wondered to myself what she saw. It seemed fairly obvious to me; a young man who eating a burrito in a corner of a restaurant alone. A young man who seemingly wasn't living life as passionately as he could have been. And less than 100% is, quite simply, less than 100%. In this condition, how could I ever hope to attract a normal and beautiful girl?

Something inside me whispered a bit of truth. It was completely and utterly up to me wether or not I used every amount of potential I was given; wether or not I was in fact going to be the bewildering product of unbridled passion that God designed me to be.

Every moment of every day, it is, a decision.